


"A time to heal"

by too_beauty



Series: Messing with Love [2]
Category: Alexander (2004)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-03-19 21:04:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18978313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/too_beauty/pseuds/too_beauty
Summary: The words in bold belong to the song “Reflection” by Christina Aguilera; it is also part of the soundtrack of the Disney Movie “Mulan I”.





	1. Prologue

TITLE: “A time to heal”

PAIRING: Alexander and Hephaestion.

RATING: R / Mature.

CATEGORY: Historical Alternative Universe.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t know the people involved; they belong to History and to themselves but I wouldn’t mind sharing my life with Phai! *sighs*

WARNING: Mentions of m/m relationship, angst, fluff and romance.

NO BETA so all mistakes are mine.

**_ AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is a sequel to “Messing with Love” and it is advisable to have read that before. _ **

 

* * *

 

PROLOGUE.

 

From the moment I recognized his voice, I was sure that I was safe again.

From the moment I felt his touch, I knew that things had changed for us.

From the moment I saw guilt in his eyes, I realized I could still feel a bit of anger.

 

The time to heal has come.

 

It would be difficult.

It would be sad.

It would be long.

 

The time to heal is now.

 

Will I be again the man I used to be?

Will I be able to see myself as a complete man?

Will I trust and love again?

 

The time to heal marks my rebirth.

 

Will he be able to take me back?

Will he be able to see me and not feel disgusted?

Will he accept my final decision whichever it is?

 

The time to heal is now and I don’t know what to do with myself. 


	2. "Insecurity and Vengance"

 

 

 

Hephaestion was taken carefully out of the cell; he had been kidnapped for nearly two months and he had barely moved as the cell was tiny; in fact, his only movements had been against his will.

His ankle had fixed properly but it was still stiff and it could almost bear the General’s weight on it. Even though Hephaestion had lost many kilos, his body was still heavy.

 

Alexander tried to take him bridal style but the numerous cuts and bruises made it difficult; there was not an inch of flesh without a scar or sore and his muscles were in constant pain due to their immobility and the steady fever that was – once more – ravishing his already weakened body. Moreover, Hephaestion was still not comfortable with Alexander’s touch and had made his voice hear about that situation, gently but firmly. Hephaestion’s recognition of his King came and went capriciously.

 

So, Alexander stepped aside, like an outcast, and let Aetos take his place next to Hephaestion. He saw how the former captor handle his lover carefully as if Hephaestion were made of the most precious and delicate china.  He also saw – with great pain- how his lover accepted Aetos’s help without flinching away or protesting once.

 

Hephaestion’s eyes were tightly shut when they took him out in the open. Two months of nearly total darkness had left them weak. He blinked several times but he kept his eyes closed. They made their way up to the cart and Hephaestion was carefully set on a makeshift bed with several covers and furs. Aetos also sat there and put Hephaestion’s head on his lap to prevent some more bumping.

 

Alexander rode on his loyal Bucephalus by the cart, sending side looks to his lover - who had fallen asleep again- but he couldn’t mask his pain. Alexander was a complete wreck, his beloved Phai couldn’t stand his presence and he didn’t know what to do. _“Would I be able to have my lover back? And if I do, how long would it take?”_ the king wondered while sighing loudly and thinking all the possible problems that might arise.

 

* * *

 

On arriving at the Palace, Alexander went directly to the palace master and ordered him to prepare their chamber with fresh soft cotton sheets for the bed and linen clothes to redress Hephaestion’s wounds. He also asked doctor Philip to come quickly to check on his lover’s wounds.

Aetos took the General again in his arms and was led to the Royal Chambers. He set him on the bed carefully; he spoke softly to him, trying to soothe the brunette by caressing his temples with tiny and tender circular movements. The long journey back to the palace had really exhausted his weakened body. At that moment, Alexander entered their chamber, contemplated the scene before him and saw red.

 

He approached the bed and asked Aetos to move because he was going to tend to his lover. His voice really showed his contained anger and Hephaestion flinched and curled on the big bed. At the sound of the King’s enraged voice, Hephaestion raised his hands and covered his head with his arms and pleaded Alexander not to hurt him again.

Alexander froze there and turning around, he ran out of the chamber. He ran without stopping until he reached Hephaestion’s garden and falling to his knees, he shed tears of pain and sorrow. When his sobs were over, he sat on a nearby bench with his head cupped between his hands. He racked the golden hair with his strong fingers, leaving it fully tousled. He stood up and undid his way to their chamber. He came across Philip who was leaving his patient. The king asked with his voice full of concern:

 

\- “How is he?”

\- “He is sleeping now, I gave him a sedative drink before taking care of his wounds” explained the old doctor.

\- “Will he recover?”

\- “Yes, his health will improve little by little; he had always been a healthy man, but I am afraid his mind will need more time. He had gone through things that any human being should suffer; especially when you have a tender and caring heart as he has”

\- “What can I do to make things better for him?”

\- “First of all, they told me about what happened before; Hephaestion only trusts Aetos now, he is his only saviour and he worships him. You are not Aetos, so you are out of his circle of trust. You must remember what Aetos said about the rapist, he poisoned his mind against you, he had shown him fake letters and retold fake conversations in which “you” told him that Hephaestion was a worthless traitor. Give him time Sire, he will come back to you, but principally, you should respect his desires”

\- “But it is so difficult, having him here after all this nightmare and not being able to hold and to comfort him,” said Alexander with teary eyes.

\- “I know, my King, you are suffering as much as he is but he needs time to heal. Call me whenever you need me; anyway, I will come back to check on him when the sun sets”

\- “Thank you, Philip” replied Alexander and started to walk towards his chamber again.

 

 

At that moment, a commotion was heard outside the palace. Cassander and his search party had finally arrived and the companion entered running and demanding to see the rescued friend.

 

Ptolemy stopped the traitorous man, asking him to calm down because Hephaestion was being taken care of by the doctor.

\- “Go to your room, refresh and rest, we will see again for our evening meal” suggested Ptolemy.

\- “But tell me, will he survive?”

\- “Of course, he will but he is seriously injured”

\- “Can I see him? Could he say anything about his captors?” asked Cassander nervously.

\- “No. Nothing. Let it go, Cassander.”

\- “Thanks to the Olympians he is among us again. How is Alexander?”

\- “Yes, it will take time but he will recover. Alexander is extremely worried but happy. He will also feel glad to see you are back unharmed”

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Alexander was informed of Cassander’s arrival and he decided to let his wrath settle down. He still had a lot of things to think about first. He decided to continue his way to his chamber.

He opened the door quietly and found Aetos folding Hephaestion’s clean chitons and cleaning the place after the doctor had finished.

 

\- “Can I come in?” asked Alexander.

\- “Of course, Sire, this is your Chamber. He has just fallen asleep again. Doctor Philip said that …”

\- “I know Aetos, I have already talked to him”

\- “Sire, may I speak freely?” asked Aetos standing next to the King, with his sight focused on the floor.

\- “Yes, Aetos, tell me,” said Alexander with his two coloured eyes fixed on his lover’s face.

\- “The General will recover, he is strong and I will try to speak to him about you, to help him change his feelings towards you because I know that you truly care about him”

\- “He means the world to me, he is my home, my reason to breath and live. It is very painful to see his rejection”

\- “He doesn’t do it on purpose, in fact, he doesn’t know clearly what he is doing. Give him time, Sire, time to heal.”

\- “I know but I don’t have that time. I need to move forward, my enemies are plotting against me, my recent conquered lands need my supervision, my men had been quiet for too long and inner skirmishes are arousing” explained Alexander.

\- “But he won’t be able to follow you for a while” exclaimed Aetos.

\- “That’s right but it is not as if he wants to see me; in fact, every time I am near, he flinches and moves away from me”

\- “That will change, Sire. May I ask you for a favour?”

\- “It depends.”

\- “May I have a bath and an extra change of clothes?”

\- “Yes, Aetos, ask one of the chamber servants to bring you one; you can also take the room adjoined to the back of this one”

 

Alexander sent Aetos out of the chamber as he wanted to spend some time alone with his lover. He brought a seat and sat next to Hephaestion. He saw how his chest rise and fall rhythmically; he looked at each wound in his lover’s body and wept bitterly. He hadn’t been there when his lover had needed him; he had broken the most sacred oath he had made to him when they were both children _“I will always be there for you”_ and now he was paying for that mistake.

  

* * *

When early evening came, Cassander woke up and dressing up, decided to go and look for the lucky lap dog; he cursed Hephaestion, thinking what had gone wrong and what the fate of his two allies had been. He also thought about how he would do to get rid of the brunette, seeing that his former plan had been a total failure. _“Poison”_ he whispered and “ _I would give it to him; if you want something done well, you have to do it yourself”_

 

He grabbed the doorknob but the door was locked; he tried again but it didn’t move. However, he could listen to someone whispering on the other side of the door so he asked what was happening. Cold sweat ran along his body, he started to shout and demanded Alexander’s presence.

 

Some minutes later, the king was standing in front of the door with the rest of the Companions; he ordered the two guards to open the door. At the same moment, Cassander was charging his body against the thick wooden door and demanding the guards to let him go.

Alexander pushed Cassander inside his chamber again and made him fall; Antipater’s son was about to stand when a booted foot was set on his chest, pinning him to the cold marble floor.

 

\- “What is this Alexander?” asked Cassander.

\- “I am King Alexander for you, rat!” spat the blonde.

\- “Rat? What is going on?” his voice was a bit cracked by now.

\- “You, evil creature from Hades, couldn’t stand my love for Hephaestion and so your dark and selfish heart plotted against him with those two.”

\- “No, Alexander, this is not true, they are lying, they are envious of our relationship” justified Cassander.

\- “Which relationship? We have never had anything else than what I have with the rest of my Companions. Bring him in.”

 

The two guards brought Aetos, who was shaking like a leaf; he had always been uncomfortable in the presence of Cassander.

 

\- “Is this the man who plotted with Ox?” asked Alexander with a deep voice.

\- “Yes, Sire” answered Aetos, after giving a short glance at Cassander.

\- “You lie, you are the one who raped Hephaestion with Ox” shouted Cassander.

\- “I have never said that Hephaestion had been raped; your own tongue has brought your doom. You will be speared to death at dawn and may the Olympians forgive you because I can’t”

 

Alexander turned around quickly, after stating his sentence, leaving a shocked Cassander who was pleading for his life like a little boy.

 

 

Five men from Hephaestion’s section carried out the execution and the traitor’s body was left to feed the crows.

 

**_The time to heal could begin now._ **

****

TBC


	3. "Feeling alone and scared"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The words in bold belong to the song “Reflection” by Christina Aguilera; it is also part of the soundtrack of the Disney Movie “Mulan I”.

_**Chapter 2: “Feeling alone and scared”** _

 

 

A week went by and Aetos and Stephanos were the only ones allowed to look after Hephaestion, besides Philip the doctor. The brunette could not tolerate any other around him.

 

Hephaestion woke up after a restless night; he had twisted all night long, his scars and wounds - now properly taken care of - were showing clear signs of healing. His fever was nearly disappearing and his muscles were a bit better after resting on a soft bed.

 

The weak sun rays told him it was nearly dawn; this image brought him a tiny smile to his lips because he had been so long in the dark that it was a blessing to see the day star again. In a moment, during his capture, he doubted about his rescue but a tiny part of his heart always knew that Alexander would go for him.

 

 _Alexander,_ the name of his king escaped through his lips and a stray tear travelled along his cheek. He remembered how sad his king’s face was; maybe it was true that he cared about him, maybe Ox had lied to him.

 

A screech on the chamber door made him close his eyes again; he stayed still while listening to light footsteps approached his bed. A smell of violets and sunshine invaded his nostrils. He knew that smell as well as the voice that he listened to seconds after. 

 

\- “Joy to you, my dear soul mate. I hope you had rested a bit better these last nights. I was with you again last night; just being by your side brings me so much joy, and at least – while you are sleeping- you don’t try to escape from me” Alexander explained this to his sleeping lover in a whisper.

 

“I know I have to give you time to heal and I will, but bear with me if I sometimes get a bit anxious. I am leaving, please rest, gain your strength back and take things easy. See you soon, my Moon” the king knelt and gave a butterfly kiss on Hephaestion’s forehead.

Hephaestion was cradled back to sleep by the king’s soothing voice and fell into a heavy slumber.

 

* * *

 

Sometime later, another person came inside the room; he opened the drapes that covered the windows and let the sun enter; the chamber was bathed in warm light and the smell of breakfast.

Aetos approached the bed and woke Hephaestion up gently. The brunette opened his eyes and, for the first time in many days, he could clearly see his chamber; in fact, it was _their_ chamber, but it was void of the king’s belongings. In his memory, he had another image of the chamber, he frowned at this and tried to ask but his throat was still croaked. Aetos, noticing this, brought him a bowl with warm milk and honey to soften the pain. His sore throat was also due to the fact that he had been suppressing his tears while Alexander had been there in the early morning, whispering his love and concern for him.

 

After breakfast, the former captor suggested Hephaestion going for a walk; he also explained that he needed to make his muscles stronger and more active if he wanted to walk by himself again. Aetos had a way of speaking that made Hephaestion listen to him. Hephaestion agreed on one condition: they should go alone, where no one could see him; he didn’t want to see anybody yet, not until the moment he did no longer look like a cripple. Apart from that, too many people near him made him feel stressed and that always led to panic.

 

Walking down the hall and up to his private garden took them a long time and, by the time they got there, Hephaestion was totally wasted. They rested there, under the warm sun, and Hephaestion dozed on his favourite loveseat. Aetos explored the garden and discovered many exotic flowers; he suspected some of them had been brought from very far away places and he also realized that this garden was Hephaestion’s favourite place as he remembered Hephaestion speaking deliriously about it.

 

A sound brought Aetos’s attention to the garden gate, the loyal Stephanos appeared with a leather bag with some food, which included some sweet treats for his master, and watered wine. Aetos accepted the food with a smile and thanked the page. Stephanos asked Aetos if Hephaestion would be willing to see him later because he had some news for him. Aetos said he was sure Hephaestion would receive him in the chamber because he was in quite a good mood that day. Aetos also warned him not to upset Hephaestion because it was quite difficult for him to calm the brunette down. Aetos had turned overprotective about Hephaestion in the last days and he almost decided about everything that had to deal with the General’s wellbeing.

 

The page left and Hephaestion woke up sometime later when the sun rotated and didn’t warm the garden anymore. He shivered a little and brought his cloak closer to his body.

 

  * “I want to go back to the chamber and take a long hot bath, Aetos. My muscles are in pain and I want to relax for a while” whispered Hephaestion.
  * “Alright, let’s go slowly,” said Aetos, taking Hephaestion’s hand in the crook of his arm.



 

After soaking in the bath for a while, Hephaestion sat on his couch in the balcony, wrapped up in a fur cloak, the same one Alexander had given him a week before. He asked Aetos for his ivory framed mirror and, for the first time, he looked at his image reflected in it: empty eyes looked back at him, short hair covered his head and his face had scars scattered here and there. Hephaestion put the mirror down and sobbed. After some minutes, he lifted the mirror again and facing his own demons, he whispered:

 

  * “ **Look at me, you may think you see who I really am** but this is just a false reflection of me. **But you'll never know me** because I have lost myself and I don’t know what to do to find me again. **Every day is as if I play a part** written especially for me by another. My recovery is slow and I am not sure if I’ll be what I used to be.



**  
 Now I see, if I wear a mask I can fool the world but I cannot fool my heart **that is the only one that really knows who I really am. **  
  
Who is that **man **I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside?** Because I am falling apart, I am losing myself in the darkness but I want to go out. **  
I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart and what I believe in** because that is what everybody expects from a Macedonian General but what they don’t understand is that I am just a cracked man. **But somehow I will show the world what's inside my heart and be loved for who I am** again; that this horrible experience taught me something, I will turn bad into good, maybe I can finally show my own value.   
**  
Who is that** man **I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know?** It shows me this broken man, who can only feel pity for himself. **Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?** I don’t think I can, it will be just impossible. **When will my reflection show who I am inside?** Maybe when my inner Me takes control again of this wrecked man. **  
  
There's a heart that must be free to fly, that burns with a need to know the reason why **this horrible nightmare had happened to me. Am I such a bad person that I deserve this? **  
Why must we all conceal what we think, how we feel? **Must I hide myself because I am a spoilt now? **Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?** I have been hiding for such a long time, just not to hurt him or make things more difficult for him. **I won't pretend that I'm someone else,** it is my time to show everyone who I really am **for all time. When will my reflection show who I am inside?** I think it will be as soon as I convince myself that this is my opportunity to be born again; to be a new man, no matter what or who. It is my own decision and everyone will – for once – respect it.

 

 

* * *

 

Later that same evening, Stephanos entered the chamber with some food and drink for Hephaestion. He found the General again asleep and a muffled _“Alexander”_ escaped from his nearly closed lips. Stephanos was surprised to listen to that because Hephaestion had not received Alexander in the last four days. Stephanos missed his step so the goblet clinked against the milk jar. The subtle sound awoke the General, who had been more alert in the last days.

 

  * “Thanks, Stephanos” whispered Hephaestion.
  * “Sorry Sire, I didn’t mean to wake you up” apologized the embarrassed page.
  * “It’s fine, I shouldn’t be sleeping so much,” he said yawning loudly.
  * “You must get your strength back, apart from that you are still on sick leave”
  * “Yes …” he whispered. “The palace is too quiet at this time,” said the brunette.
  * “It is, moreover when there are 500 men less in here”
  * “500 men less? What happened? Where are they?” asked the surprised General.
  * “Some of our last conquered cities were trying to get themselves free so this needed to be taken care of”
  * “That’s why I haven’t heard of Ptolemy today,” said Hephaestion rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
  * “You are right, he took part of his men with Perdicas but some of the Companions are still here as there are two ambassadors visiting the palace” explained Stephanos while setting the table.
  * “Ah! Will the king join the ambassadors in the banquet?”
  * “No Sire, Alexander left this morning, at dawn, with a small party too. He said he needed the exercise” joked Stephanos trying to lighten the atmosphere.
  * “He isn’t here … of course, he’s better without me ...” Hephaestion regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth.
  * “No Hephaestion, he is breaking apart every day a bit more but he knows what you need best and, as you are always so nervous and frightened whenever he is near, he decided to leave you alone giving you time and space”
  * “Has he realized about my fear? Is he angry with me?” he asked with teary eyes.
  * “Never, he loves you too much, Sire” assured the page, blushing a little.
  * “But how can he still love me? I am broken, I am dirty, I am worthless” whispered Hephaestion, making himself smaller into the fur cloak.
  * “Don’t let Alexander listen to you saying those things, that would only make him sadder”
  * “But seriously speaking, how is he doing? What does he think about this entire situation?” Hephaestion asked one question after the other, barely breathing.
  * “You have many questions Sire, and only one person can answer you with the truth. You should ask him as soon as he comes back” said Stephanos with a tiny smile in his face.
  * “You are right, I will do that” confessed Hephaestion.



 

**_The time to speak up might have come._ **


	4. "Facing demons"

Five days later, Ptolemy and Perdicas came back bearing new tributes and gifts, as well as some loyalty and peace offerings.

A small feast was organized and, of course, Hephaestion was again invited but he refused; he wasn’t comfortable among people yet.

 

All the noise was fading when Hephaestion decided to take his night walk; a custom acquired some days ago because he could do his still trembling walking without people feeling pity for him. Aetos was always his company, but not that night. The former captor was feeling unwell and decided to go to bed early; he assured a worried Hephaestion that it was only a stomach bug.

 

Hephaestion reached the dining room and saw some of his closest Companions having a quiet talk. He stuck his head out and Nearchos saw him and invited to join them. Hephaestion thought about it for a while and nodded, walking slowly towards them. The Cretan offered him a fluffy couch – a bit apart- and some wine. Hephaestion sat down and asked for an apple instead. Nearchos smiled and after polishing the red fruit on his chiton, he offered it to his dear friend.

 

  * “My father used to do that when I was a child” whispered Hephaestion.
  * “One of the best leaders I’ve ever seen,” said Nearchos.
  * “He was good with his men”
  * “The same as you are with yours” assured the Cretan.
  * “I will never be as good as he was,” said Hephaestion shyly.
  * “I don’t think so, the loyalty of your men amazes me; I have never seen soldiers – old and new recruits-organize so quickly and effectively as yours, besides ready to do any tasks without questioning or making mistakes. That speaks only well of his General” said Nearchos.
  * “Thanks, my friend, for your noble comment; I only hope that they are not doing things difficult to their new Commander.”
  * “New Commander? They don’t have and they don’t want any other than you. They are all praying for your quick recovery” explained Nearchos to an astonished Hephaestion.
  * “But Alex.., I mean, the King should have named another Companion after my … disappearance”
  * “Alexander never said anything about that and when Craterous suggested taking your men under his command, Alexander got furious and nearly got him flogged”
  * “Ah!” said Hephaestion surprised again by his King’s decisions.



 

After a pregnant moment, the brunette asked with his eyes cast down:

  * “Is the King resting?”
  * “Alexander has not returned yet although his men arrived in the early evening,” said Perdicas looking directly into Hephaestion’s eyes, trying to catch any glimpse of feeling.
  * “He must be attending his needs with one of the camp followers,” said one of the men sat at the table, who was slightly drunk.
  * “Don’t say nonsense, kid. The wine has clouded your mind. You’d better go to bed Nikos” warned Cleitus, who saw a brief pang of jealousy in Hephaestion’s blue eyes.
  * “But it is true, General, I saw how one of the women offered herself to the King,” said Nikos trying to make them believe him.
  * “Yes, that’s true but you didn’t see him turning her down. He went alone to his hidden place; he told me he had some things to think about.”



 

Ptolemy smiled at Hephaestion who was looking as if he wanted to be somewhere else.

  * “I am going to bed. I am in the same way, Hephaestion, shall we?” offered the blonde.
  * “Health to you all,” said Hephaestion, standing up and walking slowly.
  * “Grab my arm, the floor is a bit slippery due to this humidity” advised Ptolemy.
  * “I haven’t realized it was raining,” said Hephaestion putting his hand in the crook of Ptolemy’s elbow.
  * “Just an annoying drizzle, but it will be useful for the crops after so many days of hot weather”
  * “It’s funny but my body is still trying to catch up with so many lost sensations that sometimes I feel like a baby, but I will get better” announced Hephaestion with his baritone voice.



 

Ptolemy stopped his walking, turned around, looked at Hephaestion and said with happiness in his voice:

  * “Is that hope I hear in your voice, my brother?”
  * “I’ve decided that I can’t mourn forever due to my loss. I have to move on, I don’t know how or when but I only know I must” explained the brunette.
  * “One step at a time, Hephaestion, and I am sure you will be there soon”
  * “Yes, but it can’t take me forever, I must go back to my duties, I don’t want to be a burden, I feel so useless doing nothing and thinking about my bad luck”
  * “Ask Alexander to give you some of your old tasks back, especially the ones that you can do in your chamber if you are not willing to see many people yet, or some of your outside tasks where you can take Aetos” suggested the companion.
  * “Aetos has been of great help but I can’t keep him all the time by my side; I should let other people come closer too”
  * “People, meaning Alexander?” asked Ptolemy cautiously.
  * “I don’t know Ptolemy; things have really changed between us. I know he cares about me but I am not sure if my feelings for him can be the same”
  * “Why? What has changed?”



 

Hephaestion looked at Ptolemy with surprise in his cerulean eyes and asked:

  * “What has changed? Everything! The world I knew fell down, shattered into pieces; that Hephaestion died the day a bastard raped him till he fell unconscious, that Hephaestion cracked and lost all his confidence. I am always scared and looking over my shoulder; I can’t go anywhere without Aetos; even my relationship with him is quite sickly, who – in his right mind- would be friend with his captor? That shows you how bad and unreasonable I am still” confessed, blushing deeply.



“Do you want me to offer this to Alexander?” the brunette with teary cerulean eyes asked while pointing at his own body. “I’d scare him to death and he doesn’t need extra weight on his back; he has already many problems to solve, I am just a sick man in his Army.”

  * “Don’t you ever say that again! You are not just a sick man, you are Hephaestion Amyntoros,



      Chiliarch and Second in Command of the Macedonian Army, and you’d better remember that well”

      said Ptolemy with a stern look.

 

Hephaestion looked at his friend and smiled. He patted the arm below his hand and said:

  * “Thanks for everything, I’ll just try for you”
  * “Not for me, not for Alexander, not for anyone, _just for you_ ” and saying that Ptolemy left Hephaestion outside his chamber.



 

The brunette got in and went directly to the inner chamber where the bathtub was; he used some of the hot stones from the fireplace to warm the water and sat inside the tub with the water reaching his waist. For the first time, he took a look at his body and touched it, repressing the memories of his rape whenever he felt something over his bare skin.

 

 _“I can do this”_ thought Hephaestion while touching his own body with clumsy fingers. Slender fingers ran over his former muscled chest, now a bit skinny; his stomach – still flat but not showing his six-pack – was crossed with two long scars which were fading.

His hands went on travelling but stopped before reaching his manhood. He couldn’t go further, not yet. He closed his eyes and rested his back on the tub border; he decided he’d stay there soaking until the water got cold. What he didn’t know was that his plan would be quickly interrupted.

 

Shouts of help and running footsteps were listened in the distance, it woke Hephaestion up from his deep slumber but when he was fully awake, the noise had already died.

 

Hephaestion dried himself with a soft towel, finger-combed his short tresses and walked to the bed, he lay on the midnight blue silk cover and closed his eyes, thinking about the two conversations – more than revealing- and took a decision: he’d speak to Alexander and ask for easy tasks to fill his days with; maybe in that way, seeing and speaking to him daily, he’d discover how he felt around him. He dozed off for a while and then got under the blanket, unaware of what was happening in the other end of the hall.

* * *

 

Philip was working quickly, he had to stop the bleeding, his patient had already lost too much of the precious red liquid but it was quite difficult, his hands were covered in blood as well as the King’s femoral artery.

Alexander’s ashen complexion was shocking and when he passed out, the people present in the room panicked but the good doctor breathed with relief because he’d be able to work better and faster. 

Stitches were given and the loss of blood diminished, Cleitus and Perdicas washed and rinsed Alexander’s body and covered him with a soft cotton sheet, as soon as Philip dressed his wound.

There was also a swollen spot on the back of the royal head where he had hit hard against a boulder.

 

Cleitus offered to look after Alexander during the night and suggested Perdicas go and inform Hephaestion about the situation. All the presents left the chamber, and after discussing with Ptolemy, Perdicas decided not to tell Hephaestion about Alexander’s accident because Hephaestion would get really nervous and he’d blame himself saying that Alexander was attacked because he had been distracted by his thoughts.

  

* * *

 

Morning came and a more alert Hephaestion woke up. He wasn’t sure but he could swear he had listened to some rattle during the night.   

Aetos was nowhere to be found so Hephaestion went through the inner door that connected both rooms and saw Aetos still asleep. So he went back to his room, washed and dressed up. He decided that he’d try to take breakfast with the rest of the Companions and he’d also have the chance to talk to Alexander with the presence of the rest, just in case he panicked.

 

As soon as he crossed his chamber door, he saw it, a dark coppery pool of something he knew very well it was blood. _But whose? Why outside his chamber?_ He wondered while swerving the nasty spot. He immediately took his way to the dining room. On arriving there, he could see that it was deserted, which was quite strange.

A moment later some men appeared but none of them was his friends. They looked at him as if they wanted to ask him something but they just didn’t, just only acknowledged his presence.

A page served him his breakfast and when he was about to start eating, an exhausted Cleitus entered the place and threw himself on a chair. Hephaestion looked at him from his place and saw the General’s chiton covered with blood stains and a chilling shiver travelled along his spine. So his suspicions had been true, something had happened during the night and he hadn’t been informed. He stood up and went over where Cleitus was. The Black General had to be really tired because he hadn’t realized Hephaestion was standing by his side.

 

  * “Joy to you, Cleitus,” said Hephaestion in a soft voice.
  * “Joy to you too, pretty boy, how come aren’t you already by his bedside?
  * “Whose bedside?” asked Hephaestion with curiosity.
  * “Alexander’s” Cleitus answered and lifted his head to find a pair of very confused lapis lazuli eyes.
  * “Why should I be there?”
  * “Has Perdicas or Ptolemy talked to you?”
  * “No, I haven’t seen any of them since yesterday dinner”
  * “Ah! That explains all”
  * “What do you mean by that? Why would any of them need to talk to me?” asked a worried Hephaestion.
  * “Nothing, nothing. Don’t worry. By the way, how are you feeling?”
  * “Umm, better I think.”
  * “Good, good. Nice surprise to see you here” Cleitus said, yawning loudly.
  * “Thanks, I’ve to overcome my fear to be among people so I thought the morning meal among friends could be a good opportunity, few people and little noise” explained Hephaestion.
  * “Yes, good choice and …” another yawn interrupted their talk.
  * “You look restless, Cleitus. Rough night?” Hephaestion asked with a tiny smile on his lips.
  * “Yes, it is the last time I offered to look after him, he is the worst sick man I’ve ever seen and I can assure you I’ve seen a lot in my life.”
  * “Who is he?” asked Hephaestion.
  * “Alexander, of course.”
  * “Is he ill?”
  * “No, just mortally wounded” explained Cleitus yawning, without realizing what he had said.



 

Hephaestion looked at him with fear in his eyes, his complexion looked paler than ever and he asked, stuttering:

  * “How? When ?”
  * “Yesterday night, a boar attacked him and the king was daydreaming –as lately – and the boar bit him in the main leg vein. I really don’t know how he managed to come back to his chamber.”
  * “That’s why there was a pool of blood outside my door” whispered Hephaestion.
  * “Your door? But Alexander’s chamber is on the other end of the hall”
  * “Yes, but we used to share my chamber before … before …” Hephaestion couldn’t finish the phrase.
  * “Oh! Yes, I remember.” Cleitus interrupted because he didn’t want to bring unnecessary sad moments back, not now when the brunette sounded so confident speaking.



 

At that moment, Ptolemy and Perdicas appeared and froze at the sight of Hephaestion in the dining room.

 

> “Joy to you, my friend,” said Ptolemy, patting Hephaestion’s shoulder softly. The brunette flinched slightly and Ptolemy apologized quickly.
> 
>  “Can I see him?” asked Hephaestion suddenly.
> 
>  “He is resting now, Philip has just redressed the wound and cleaned the stitches because some got infected”
> 
>  “Is he conscious?”
> 
>  “Yes, but he had been delirious almost all night, he was mumbling things and crying in his sleep,” said Perdicas.
> 
>  “Oh! That’s why Cleitus looks so awful” added Hephaestion.
> 
>  “Hey pretty boy, watch your mouth; he was calling _your name_ all night long; you should have been the one tending to him”

 

Hephaestion looked at the older General with guilt in his eyes, which started to look watery.

 

  * “Forgive me, my friend, you know I am a brute” apologized Cleitus.
  * “There’s nothing to forgive, my friend” replied Hephaestion.
  * “Will you tell me when he is awake again?” asked Hephaestion.
  * “Go now, you can spend some time now that he is resting and see how you feel in his presence” suggested Ptolemy.
  * “Yes, I’ll do that” answered Hephaestion, feeling as nervous as a bride in her wedding night.



 

**_The time to face his demons has arrived._ **

****

TBC


	5. "Just that"

Hephaestion made his way slowly towards Alexander’s chamber. The guards outside the door moved sideways granting Hephaestion entry without asking.

 

Hephaestion closed his eyes tightly, took a deep breath and pushed the thick wood door, closing it behind his back. He took some steps forward and looked at the sleeping frame on the massive bed. He looked rather small, curled tightly like a baby, with a pillow squeezed between his arms. A tiny smile reached Hephaestion’s lips, it was “his” pillow and Alexander was spooning it as if it were him.

 

Hephaestion got closer and sat on a chair beside the bed, facing Alexander. He saw the pale complexion – almost bloodless – and his eyes travelled along the royal body, which was still covered with the cotton sheet. He couldn’t see the wound but he could clearly distinguish the shape of a thick and large bandage. Alexander was murmuring in his sleep, a muffled _Phai_ escaped from his tight lips and the General flinched on his seat. He knew Alexander still had feelings for him but the brunette was still confused.

 

People could ask him why he felt confused after being the King’s lover for fifteen years, how come he couldn’t say if he still loved him or not. Most of the Companions had subtlety suggested that he should accept Alexander back but a tiny pang of wrath clouded Hephaestion’s heart and mind.

 

He couldn’t forget that Alexander had left him in the lake alone, forgetting about their date but mostly and principally about _him._ Alexander’s mistake had brought the misery he had suffered and was still suffering. Due to Alexander’s fault, Hephaestion had lost two precious months being tortured and raped, and he’d lose more time in his healing process.

 

It was so natural for Hephaestion to rely on his heart first but this time, his mind was winning over his heart and it’d be difficult for him to change that. He needed to heal and he’d do up to the impossible to achieve that goal and if he had to ignore other people’s opinions and/or feelings he would do it, including the King’s.

 

Hephaestion was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize his king was awake, looking at him, drinking in the vision he had next to him, like a man lost in a desert, without knowing if he was real or just a vision.

The General focused his eyes again onto the King’s face and saw those two coloured eyes staring at him.

 

  * “Oh, I didn’t mean to wake you up” apologized Hephaestion with a tiny voice.
  * “You didn’t, I think the sedative is wearing off and the pain is quite annoying,” said Alexander with a croaky voice.
  * “How did you let a boar attacked you? _You_ , who killed your first boar when you were 14!” asked Hephaestion, showing for the first time some feeling in his eyes that was not numbness.
  * “But … but I was taking part in a hunting party that time, and I wanted to impress my father and my lover-to-be” Alexander answered, whispering his last three words.
  * “Oh … I see. By the way, how are you feeling? Do you want me to look for the doctor?” Hephaestion asked moving nervously on his seat.
  * “No, thank you; if you don’t mind, I’d like to spend some time with you. We haven’t had the opportunity of a good talk lately” added Alexander looking with his eyes into Hephaestion’s blue ones.
  * “Yes, but I need … I need to find Aetos and ask for his help” stuttered Hephaestion.
  * “Of course … Aetos” murmured Alexander.
  * “Why don’t you like Aetos?” asked Hephaestion in a defensive way.
  * “Isn’t it obvious why?” snorted the king while sitting up in his bed.
  * “But he helped me and he’s always there for me” answered Hephaestion trying to justify his actions.
  * “I am here too but you only ask for him,” said Alexander with a painful tone in his words.
  * “I know, I’m sorry” apologized Hephaestion, casting his eyes down.
  * “You don’t have to apologize Hephaestion, you are the one who only knows why you want him near while you push me away”



 

Hephaestion remained silent; he knew he couldn’t explain why he was acting like that because – in fact – Aetos had hurt him more but he still felt attached to him.

 

  * “I should leave, let you rest,” said Hephaestion.
  * “Can I ask you to bring me some water, please? My throat is parched” asked Alexander.
  * “Of course” Hephaestion stood up, filled the goblet with fresh water and gave it to Alexander, letting the King’s fingers brush his.
  * “Thank you, please forgive me, it was not my intention to upset you talking about your relationship with Aetos,” said Alexander curling himself into a tight ball and rolling on the bed, facing now the wall.



 

Hephaestion wanted so badly to touch his King, he wanted to soothe his pain and comfort him but he didn’t know if his feelings were due to his accident or if his old feelings for Alexander were slowly coming back to his heart from that dark zone they were hidden.

Hephaestion started to move towards the bed, his hand outstretched to caress his king’s back but in the last moment, he doubted, so he turned around and took his leave.

 

Alexander had sensed the movements behind his back. He took a deep breath when he listened to his brunette coming his way, waiting anxiously for the loving touch of his beloved Phai; a touch he had been missing for the last three months. But it never came and with great pain in his heart, Alexander listened to Hephaestion walking away from him.

The king cried himself to sleep.

  

* * *

             

The day went on slowly; Philip came to see Alexander, cured his wound and redressed it. As usual, he was having a quick recovery so the good old doctor allowed him to get up and see if he could walk – just for a little time- without putting excessive weight on that leg.

 

Ptolemy, who was always present by the King’s side, had brought him a hearty breakfast, enough for two, so he felt a little disappointed when he saw the brunette was not there. He decided so to have breakfast with Alexander and tried to discover how the conversation had gone.

He could see – in advance- that the king’s eyes were still sad so he assumed they hadn’t sorted anything out yet.

 

  * “How are you feeling, my king?” asked Ptolemy pouring some milk in a goblet.
  * “Better than yesterday” replied Alexander.
  * “So we are going to walk a little later, once your breakfast had reached and settled in your stomach” he added.
  * “I don’t feel like eating, my friend” answered Alexander, with his two-coloured eyes still lost.
  * “But you must, you lost too much blood yesterday; it is a miracle you survived, my brother,” said Ptolemy, who had overcome his fear.
  * “Oh! You know how stubborn I can be; Atropos will have to work harder to cut my thread of life” said Alexander, looking at his friend.
  * “May I ask you something?” asked the elder man showing doubt in his voice.
  * “Of course, you don’t have to ask for permission” assured Alexander.
  * “Why was there a pool of _your_ blood outside Hephaestion’s chamber?”  
  * “When I got here, my only idea was to come back to him so he could cure me, as he always had done. At the moment I was about to knock, I remembered how he felt about me nowadays so I decided to drag myself to my own room. Those minutes of hesitation outside his chamber left the bloodied pool” explained Alexander, his cheeks tinged with embarrassment.
  * “You should have knocked, he wouldn’t have sent you away”
  * “I am not sure, I cannot understand him anymore and that feeling terrifies me; I can’t reach him as before; he had been building tall walls around him, hiding behind them and only Aetos is allowed to enter there,” said Alexander hopelessly.
  * “So I cannot see the problem, you have climbed high walls to jump from them, you have besieged cities and conquered them; I am sure you can deal with this too,” said Ptolemy confidently.
  * “Hephaestion is not one of my campaigns, my brother,” said Alexander with so much sadness in his voice that it was difficult for Ptolemy to go on listening to him.
  * “That’s right but you must find again a way of building up that trust he used to have on you; be ready to see the little cracks on his hard mask and act tenderly and only mind about his safety” advised Ptolemy.
  * “How and when did you become so wise, Ptolemy?” asked Alexander showing a bit more of emotion.
  * “I love studying human nature and you two, my friend, are my favourite subjects of observation,” said Ptolemy trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere.



 

Alexander smiled and picked up his bowl with milk and honey and nibbled a piece of sweet bread. Ptolemy was happy to see him eating, so he stood up and walked towards the door. On arriving there, he turned around and asked:

 

  * “Your orders for today, my King?”
  * “Tell the Army to rest during the morning but I’ll be up to see the tactic exercises in the early afternoon” responded Alexander.
  * “I will come back to take you out for a short walk”



 

Alexander nodded and went on eating, his mind – once again- lost in deep thoughts. He recalled his conversation with Hephaestion and a tiny hope was reborn in his heart. What he did not know was that hope would die that same afternoon. 

 

* * *

 

Morning came and went, as well as lunchtime. Ptolemy and Perdicas came to Alexander’s chamber to take him to the exercises. Alexander walked slowly down the hall, dragging his right leg as he refused to use a cane. He was also flanked by these two stocky companions, whose arms were ready to catch the king if he fell.

  

The Phalanx was already practising when they arrived and to his surprise, Hephaestion was looking at his men practising too. Some of the new soldiers saw their General standing by the side of the training pitch and waved at him. Hephaestion waved back and a tiny smile appeared on his lips. Aetos was nowhere near his master so Alexander thought it was a good opportunity to talk to him again. He was beaten by Hephaestion when he hesitantly approached his side.  

 

  * “May I have a word with you, Sire?” asked Hephaestion, his voice faltering a little.
  * “Of course, Hephaestion” answered Alexander. His heart did a somersault inside his chest, his Phai was going to ask him to go back together, he was going to ask him to love him back and so he would …. Alexander was so lost in his own universe that he didn’t listen to the first words but what shattered his hope were those words that he did hear ….



 

  * _“Friends, we can always be friends,”_ Hephaestion told him, speaking softly, without knowing that the king’s heart was breaking into pieces because those were the last words he wanted to hear him say.



 

Lost again in his thoughts, he wondered and asked himself:

 

_\- “How, on Zeus’s name, could I be his friend now when I had been his lover, his soul mate, his sun?”_

_\- “How could I be only his friend when my arms hitched to hug him, my lips to kiss him, my full body to love him?”_

_\- “How could I look at him as one more General in my Army?”_

_\- “How could we be just friends when my heart is so full of love for him that it hurts a lot?”_

_\- “This love cannot be changed into a brotherly one when my mind and my body crave for his touch, for his kisses, for Him.”_

 

Coming back from his own Hades, he looked at his friend – who was still waiting for an answer – and said:

 

\- _“Of course, Hephaestion, we can just be friends”_ because it was better to have his friendship than nothing at all; because this may be my punishment, having him by my side just as a friend, and unable to love him the way I had always wanted.

 

Hephaestion smiled at him and went back to the palace, in search of some peace, while a cracked king saw him go.

 

**_The time to friendship has come and with it, the King’s own hell._ **

 

TBC


	6. "A look is all it takes"

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The **stanzas in bold** belong to the lyrics of “Without you” by Mariah Carey.

* * *

 

 

Hephaestion started to go out more often and, on many occasions, without Aetos. Everybody was happy to see how the General was improving; his wounds were totally healed, most of his scars were colourless thin lines on his skin; his ankle gave him still some bad days but he was able to walk without a limp. Even his brunette tresses were reaching his nape again.

 

Five months had passed since his rescue and he had reassumed most of his tasks, especially those connected to the organization and supplies. However, he hadn’t gone out in hunting trips or scout missions but he had gone riding on his faithful Auburn, a constant source of joy and happiness.

 

Hephaestion dismounted near the lake and set himself on the grass, looking at the water and thinking. Suddenly, he saw a vision emerging from it; a strong blonde god was standing in the middle of the water as the almighty Poseidon, drops of water falling along golden naked skin and tresses.

 

Hephaestion couldn’t take his eyes out of Alexander, who sensed someone’s presence and turned around.

 

  * “Oh! I supposed I was alone” said Alexander.



 

Hephaestion didn’t answer but kept on looking at him.

 

  * “I am going now, sorry to interrupt your rest,” said Alexander, going out of the water quickly and putting his chiton over his still wet skin. He knelt to fasten his sandals, finger-combed his blonde mane and started to walk away.
  * “You don’t have to leave,” said Hephaestion, making Alexander freeze on his spot.
  * “I know, but it still feels a bit awkward,” said Alexander without turning around.
  * “Why? Aren’t we friends? Can’t friends talk?” the brunette asked with surprise in his voice.
  * “Yes, of course, but … but that is the way **you** feel and … ”
  * “And?” asked Hephaestion, pushing the king to answer.
  * “And I feel a lot different so that’s why I need to go now” whispered Alexander.
  * “Ah! I wish it were different but I …” Hephaestion stopped speaking but he continued looking at his king.
  * “You don’t have to say anything; in fact, you have already explained it to me clearly and I have accepted your conditions” replied Alexander who was now next to his loyal stallion.
  * “But you aren’t happy” stated Hephaestion.
  * “May I speak freely?” asked Alexander who was again standing near him.
  * “Yes, please” assured Hephaestion, who was feeling a bit bolder.
  * “Well, I am **not** happy with this situation; I love you as I have been loving you for the last fifteen years; I cannot see you just as one more man; but I also know that your feelings for me had changed and, even though it saddens me to know that, I have accepted it” said Alexander moving again further.
  * “But you didn’t move on,” said Hephaestion.
  * “Neither have you” Alexander confirmed.
  * “I am still healing my soul and my heart. What about you?”
  * “ _I still love you and I don’t want to move on._ See you later, Hephaestion” and after his confession, the king departed, leaving a brunette seriously confused.



 

 **No, I can't forget this evening**  
know your face as you are leaving  
but I guess that's just the way the story goes  
you always smile,  
but in your eyes your sorrow shows,  
yes, it shows …

The late rays of the setting sun found Hephaestion still at the lake; his mind was turmoil of ideas and his heart was a mess; thousands of contradictory feelings filled it but some were getting stronger than others, especially the ones that were related to a certain blonde.

 

Hephaestion decided that he had to take a bold decision and it was necessary to go back to the Palace. He had a serious conversation pending and it was about time they talked. His heart was feeling less heavy and a kind of warm feeling flooded it.

 **Now, I can't forget tomorrow**  
when I think off all my sorrow  
when I had you there,  
but then I let you go.  
And now it's only fair that 

**I should let you know,**  
what you should know  
I can't live,  
if living is without you  
I can't live, I can't live any more …

Hephaestion entered the stables and saw Bucephalus’s place empty; it meant that either Alexander hadn’t returned yet or that he had left again, a stab of pain ran along his heart and he couldn’t understand fully why.

 

He went directly to his chamber and found Aetos preparing the things for the evening bath as well as Hephaestion’s clothes for his dinner.

 

Aetos turned around, smiled at Hephaestion and continued with his tasks. When he didn’t listen to Hephaestion approach, he turned around again and stared at the General, who was staring him back. A cold shiver nestled in the former captor’s heart; he knew what was coming, he had known it for the last two months, but it had taken that long for Hephaestion to finally make up his mind.

 

  * “Aetos, we need to talk,” said Hephaestion with his baritone voice.
  * “Yes, Sire, I know what you are going to say and I have been expecting this moment,” said Aetos.
  * “So, you do understand that our situation has changed. You know that even though you’ve been of great help, it is necessary for me to let you go. If I don’t do this I won’t ever heal completely with this kind of relationship between us. Apart from that, I’m planning to take some other important decisions that I’m sure they will shape my future” said Hephaestion, a bit nervous and trying not to sound ungrateful.
  * “It pleases me a lot to see that you’ve decided to move forward. You are getting stronger every day, not only in body but also in spirit; you are so close to reaching your goal that you just only need a little push”
  * “Thanks Aetos for your confidence. So what do you want to do now?”
  * “I will report to King Alexander as soon as he is back”
  * “What does Alexander have to do with all of this?” asked Hephaestion with fear in his voice.
  * “He still has to tell me what punishment I will have for my actions” explained Aetos calmly.
  * “What? Why are you saying this?” Hephaestion asked again, getting agitated with every passing minute.
  * “He told me when I arrived with you here that I wouldn’t be spared my punishment so now I’d go to see him.”
  * “But he couldn’t after all your help” Hephaestion tried to reason.
  * “My help doesn’t erase my sin; I did something very bad to you. I was caught and I will accept my punishment. He is a fair king, I know he won’t commit any excesses” said Aetos trying to calm down the nervous General.
  * “I can plead in your favour, Aetos, don’t worry” Hephaestion was now pacing along his chamber.
  * “Thanks Sire, but you don’t have to, I am not afraid of him, I know he’d do just what he has to”. Trying to distract the brunette he added: “Why don’t you take your bath now? It is already prepared. While you do, I’ll go to the king”
  * “Don’t go now, let me accompany you before dinner” Hephaestion said, trying to convince the determined former captor.



 

Hephaestion thought a lot about what he was going to tell Alexander to convince him to let Aetos live. He was sure he could make the king agree with him, but the problem was that he had never spoken with Alexander about Ox and Cassander’s deaths; in fact, they had spoken so little lately that Hephaestion couldn’t read the King’s expressions and subtleties anymore. He had to recover that skill, not only because it was useful but also because he really missed spending time with his friend; he had always been the one who understood him best; the one who made him feel complete and safe and … he needed that safety again.

 

His mind took him again to this morning encounter and he felt his heart beating quick and a stir warmed his nether regions. Blushing slightly he wondered if that was possible if it could be that he was feeling that kind of sentiment for Alexander again. He also realized with despair that Alexander looked older, tired … hopeless, as if Hephaestion’s presence only made him feel disturbed. Hephaestion didn’t want **his** King to feel that way, in fact, deep down in his heart, _Hephaestion wanted to be seen again_ , he wanted to stop hiding, _he wanted Alexander noticing him._

He would start tonight and see where it led him.

 

 

In the meantime, Aetos had met the king in the hall and asked for an audience. Alexander took him to his chamber and, after pouring some wine for both of them, invited Aetos to sit with him.

 

“So what do you need to speak about, Aetos?” asked Alexander with tiredness in his voice.

“Sire, master Hephaestion has released me from my duties so I am here to get my punishment,” said Aetos with a clear and loud voice. Alexander was delighted with the new information but that happiness disappeared when Aetos spoke about punishment.  
  
“Your punishment?” asked Alexander surprised “Why is that?”  
  
“You told me that when the General recovers, I will … ”  
  
“I know what I said but I was still angry at you for your participation in the kidnapping. But I’ve changed my mind and you can be sure that nobody will hurt you” Alexander explained, trying to bring some calm onto such a delicate topic.  
  
“But Sire, what I did was ….”  
  
“I know Aetos” the king interrupted him to add “but you’ve redeemed yourself. Apart from that, I don’t think Hephaestion would appreciate if you are punished, you are very dear to him, more than me, I think” said the King, whispering bitterly his last words.  
  
“Thank you so much, Sire,” said Aetos kneeling at the King’s feet “I am here to serve you until my death, you only have to ask and I’ll obey.”  
  
“Do as you wish, you’re free to go but you can also stay” said Alexander making Aetos stand up. “Someone could need your help or you could remain under Hephaestion’s command, I think he’d like that.”  
  
“So I will stay but I’d prefer to serve under another person, Sire,” said Aetos whispering.  
  
“May I ask why?” asked the king intrigued.  
  
“Because it will be better for all of us”  
  
“Umm, I see. Well we can ask the companions if they need someone, but I have to be honest, you’re a bit old to be a page” said the king laughing. He opened the door and pushed Aetos gently out of the chamber.

 

Hephaestion was in that moment walking towards the Royal chamber when he saw Alexander pushing Aetos and he listened to Alexander’s words: “I will take care of you soon”.

 

The brunette ran and called Alexander’s name, and the man immediately stopped.

 

“Please, my King, spare Aetos’s life. I’d do anything, Sire” pleaded the blue-eyed man, now on his knees and nearly in tears. He was so afraid of the King’s reaction.

 

Alexander’s tiny smile faded and an agonizing pain invaded his heart.

 

“Tell me, Hephaestion, do you think so low of me that I’d punish Aetos after all he had done to help you?”

“I don’t … I don’t know” stuttered Hephaestion, whose face was tinged with embarrassment.

“Of course, you don’t know me anymore” and saying that he left the hall.

 

Aetos looked the retreating figure of his king and then turned to look at Hephaestion who was frozen in his spot.

 

“He was taking me to the dining room to ask one of his companions to take me as a servant” explained Aetos.

 

Hephaestion looked at him back with empty eyes and set off sprinting after the king. He reached the grieving man and touched his shoulder gently but his hand was slapped away. The king continued his way out of the palace while Hephaestion saw his departure.

After a moment, the brunette decided to follow him from a close distance and the General could easily realize where Alexander was going, he was walking to “their” place that secluded spot in the back garden.

 

Alexander was sat against the ancient apple tree, which had seen many secret encounters between the two lovers. Hephaestion sat next to him and remained in silence for a long moment. Then he sighed loudly and said in his baritone voice:

 

“I’m sorry, I should have never doubted your judgment, never after all these years”

 

Alexander stayed still but gave a quick glance to his soul mate. He could see the pain and regret in his blue eyes but he also saw a tiny light of hope and love. The king promised himself to look after that tiny flame until it grew into a full fire. He realized that their love – like the Phoenix- would have to rebirth from the ashes of their always-present love and let Hephaestion see that hope in his two coloured eyes.

 

Then the king nodded minutely, and after patting Hephaestion’s knee, he stood up and left.

 

Hephaestion knew there was a long way until they could go back to their former relationship but he had the strong will of getting it back. He had seen **that** look in his King’s eyes and that was all he needed.

 

****

**_The time to love again has come._ **

****

 


	7. "Getting to know you ... again"

Alexander was organizing a hunting trip to celebrate Ptolemy’s birthday. The good companion had taken Hephaestion’s place – only as an advisor – mainly because Hephaestion had not gone in any of their previous expeditions.

However, the brunette was getting every day more confident and had started to participate again in the meetings. The first time he entered the room, the meeting was in progress so he apologized for his tardiness; the king forgave him without looking at his face, Alexander wanted to know where Hephaestion would sit as his place near the king was empty, as well as the one that belonged to Cassander.

The brunette stood next to the door, with his back resting on the marble wall, his arms – firmly crossed over his chest – and his eyes cast down. Whenever Alexander said something that called his attention, the brunette would raise his gaze and many times, lately, had been locked with his king’s.   
Many companions started to see that those looks had been increasing in the following meetings and that Hephaestion had started to stand closer to the king.

In today meeting, they had discussed the hunting trip as soon as Ptolemy had left the meeting. They still had to organize some things as they were going to spend a night out. Hephaestion raised his hand to call Alexander’s attention; the blonde turned around and asked what he needed. Hephaestion shyly asked if he could be in charge of those few details left. Alexander nodded, turned around and a tiny smile crowned his face. His Phai was coming back.

Later that evening, a soft knock on the wooden door cut Alexander’s slumber. Alexander asked the person to enter and – to his surprise – Hephaestion stepped into with some scrolls in his hands. The king sat on his bed and waited for Hephaestion to approach. The General walked towards the king with downcast eyes and stopped quite near his former lover. He lifted his eyes and clearing his voice twice, he said:

\- “I wonder if you could check these lists”

\- “Of course, Hephaestion, let’s sit there at the table,” Alexander said that because he wanted to make Hephaestion feel comfortable because if he did that, Hephaestion would be able to spend more time with him if he felt safe. 

 

Alexander offered him a seat and then he took his own; he was reading the lists when he suddenly realized of a warm heat on his back, Hephaestion was standing behind him, reading over his shoulder as he used to do. In a moment, Hephaestion pointed to a line and asked Alexander if that was fine, Alexander couldn’t answer as Hephaestion had just brushed his shoulder with his arm and his left hand was lightly touching his shoulder.

 

\- “Alexander, are you feeling unwell?” asked Hephaestion worried.

\- “No, Hephaestion, why do you ask that?”

\- “Because you haven’t answered my question yet”

\- “Sorry, what was that?”

\- “I asked if we would use just a big tent or five double ones” repeated the brunette.

\- “Ah! What do you suggest?”

\- “Five double ones would be better and setting them in a semi-circle would provide more security if we were to be attacked”

\- “Of course, you are right,” said Alexander, turning round on his chair. 

 

Two coloured eyes looked at his close blue partners and a kind of energy travelled between them. Alexander closed his eyes – not wanting to tempt his fate – and when he opened them again, Hephaestion was still looking at him and the king could feel as if those oceanic pools of heaven were caressing him.

 

\- “I’d go now,” said Hephaestion.

\- “You could stay if you want; I was going to have a light meal here, my head aches so I don’t want all the dining room noise,” said Alexander trying to persuade Hephaestion to spend a little more time with him.

\- “Umm, well, fine … just a light meal” stated Hephaestion.

\- “Yes, Hephaestion, just that” assured Alexander, leading his friend towards the balcony.

\- “The stars are out” whispered Hephaestion while he set his hands onto the balcony rail.

\- “Yes, and Selene is full tonight, a lovers’ night” murmured Alexander.

 

Hephaestion blushed slightly and he moved slowly towards Alexander, he set his hands on the royal temples and massaged them tenderly with circular movements.

\- “Better?” he asked.

\- “Yes, thank you; your touch is magic, you know,” purred Alexander.

\- “I’ve heard that before,” answered Hephaestion with a tiny smile on his lips while he continued with his ministrations.

 

Theo, Alexander’s page, broke the tender moment and both “friends” jumped surprised as none of them had listened to the page enter. Theo realized that something was going on between them, so after serving their food quickly, he walked out of the room.

Alexander and Hephaestion enjoyed their meal together, talking about everything and nothing; there were some silent moments where only their eyes did the talking.  
Their fingers brushed once or twice while trying to reach the same thing at the same time and blushed cheeks were the result. 

Both men behaved like teenagers with their first crush, feeling nervous and happy at the same time, trying to be still but ending with a nervous tapping of the sandal on the marble floor or fingers on the table.

When the dinner was ending, Stephanos brought them some sweet treats and a warm beverage they had recently discovered; it was a kind of herbal tea that Hephaestion got used to drinking to calm his nerves.

King and General shared all those things and after a long pregnant moment, Hephaestion announced his departure. He could clearly see when sadness clouded his king’s eyes but he needed to go back to his chamber; his heart was beating so loudly that he was afraid Alexander could listen to it.

Alexander offered to walk him to his chamber, which was exactly only some metres ahead, at the end of the hall. Both men walked slowly, lost in their thoughts and trying to slow down their pace up to the minimum. 

When they finally reached Hephaestion’s chamber, they stood there for some seconds, and then Alexander raised his hand and caressed Hephaestion’s cheek with his thumb, wishing him health. Hephaestion pressed tenderly his cheek on the warmth of his king’s hand and closed his eyes. When he felt the warmth abandoning him, his heart sobbed inside his chest; he had missed and craved for that kind of contact so much. 

Alexander gave him a tiny smile and went back to his room. Hephaestion entered his and leaned onto the closed door because his knees were trembling.

 

The day of the hunting trip arrived and Ptolemy was given his surprise. However, there was another person who received a very precious gift too. Alexander was finishing his check on the supplies and when he lifted his head, he found himself staring at something that he had been waiting too long to see again, Hephaestion was standing with his full hunting gear on and talking to the rest of the Companions.   
The brunette General sensed Alexander’s eyes on him so he rested his cerulean eyes on the gentle royal face and smiled. Alexander answered back with a quick nod.

The group set off and after some stadia, Alexander found himself riding – side by side – with Hephaestion at the back of the group. The king threw nervous glances towards his friend while he was thinking about what could be troubling his Phai’s nerves. He decided to break the silence and asked him slowly.

\- “Are you worried about something, Hephaestion?”

\- “No, Alexander”

\- “Would you tell me if you feel bad?”

\- “Of course, it is just …”

\- “What is it?, Please, tell me”

\- “The lake is near and I …” Hephaestion said with his voice a bit cracked.

\- “Don’t worry, we won’t go that way, I’ve just taken that into account”

\- “Thanks”

\- “It was my entire fault” whispered Alexander.

\- “What are you talking about?”

\- “Your kidnapping, your rape, your suffering, everything is my fault; I am a danger for you,” said Alexander, really agitated. 

\- “It is not your fault and you are not a danger for me, in fact, I only feel safe when you are by my side” confessed Hephaestion.

 

The king looked at him with hope and love in his eyes; a big smile lit his face, and his body took a more relaxed posture. 

 

They arrived at the camping point and put their tents up quickly. Due to Hephaestion’s suggestion, Alexander asked them to put them up in a semi-circle around the fire and he was about to suggest to draw straws for choosing their tent partner (like when they were children) when Hephaestion came closer and asked him if he would mind being together in the same tent. Alexander tried to hide his excitement and answered calmly that he would love that. They took their few belongings inside the tent, grabbed their weapons and stood near the fire, waiting for the others.

To Alexander’s surprise, Hephaestion had brought his bow and arrows, a weapon he was a master at, especially and due to his excellent sight and pulse.

The hunting began, they worked together to let Ptolemy do the first killing; a few arrows made the trick easier and Alexander was happy to see that his friend was getting back, not only his confidence but also his skills.

 

When the sun was high above in the sky, they stopped and taking their preys, they went back to the tents.  
Perdicas and Cleitus were in charge of the skinning, Ptolemy in serving the wine while Krateros and Nearchos built the fire. Nikos and Kostas were coming back with some wood and Lysander was with Alexander looking for some mushrooms and other things to add to the roasted meat and stew.

 

When they came back, Alexander automatically looked for Hephaestion but he was nowhere to be found. He panicked and started to ask where his brunette was. No one had seen him and Alexander began to run towards the river, and, there – on the shore – was Hephaestion’s cloak.

 

\- “No, no, no not again” shouted Alexander.

 

 

\- “Alexander, what happened? Is anyone hurt?”

The king turned around and hugged his brunette tightly, hiding his face in the crook of Hephaestion’s neck.

\- “I tho …. I thought I had lost you again” confessed Alexander against Hephaestion’s skin.

 

Hephaestion hugged him back and moved his hand along Alexander’s back with soothing movements and nearing his lips to Alexander’s ear, he said: 

\- “You will never lose me again, I swear it by sweet Aphrodite” and kissed his forehead gently.

 

Alexander nodded against his chest and tried to pull back, but Hephaestion tightened his embrace; Alexander relaxed against the strong frame and rested his chin on Hephaestion’s shoulder. After some minutes, they pulled apart and came back, walking side by side, with the occasional brushing of their arms.

 

They had a real feast, they ate and drank and the conversation was fluid and friendly. Everybody realized the shared looks between Alexander and Hephaestion and all of them were more than happy to have them back.

Alexander picked up a red apple, cut it in halves and offered one-half to Hephaestion, who took it without hesitation. It was an old custom between them; they have been sharing their fruits since they were little children. Hephaestion took a bite, swallowed it and he blushed immediately. He looked at Alexander who was blushing too and they finally shared a smile.

 

As it was too hot to go out hunting again, they decided to rest under the shadow of the nearby trees. Hephaestion rolled up a blanket to use it as a pillow and lay under an apple tree, his body fully stretched, his eyes were closed and his features were relaxed. Alexander saw him there and after some minutes, he closed his eyes, trying to store the image in his memory. He opened his eyes again to enjoy the view once more.

\- “You still do that, even though you know it is annoying,” said Hephaestion without opening his eyes.

\- “Do what?” asked Alexander.

\- “Look at me while I am sleeping”

\- “Sorry,” said Alexander, standing up and getting ready to go.

 

At that moment, Hephaestion outstretched his hand and Alexander looked at it with dubious eyes. The General sighed loudly and said:

\- “Come here and rest,” said patting his lap and Alexander thought he had died and gone directly to the Elysian camps.

 

Alexander rested his head on Hephaestion’s lap and he dozed off, feeling the brunette’s fingers racking his hair. The rest of the companions looked after the lovers’ sleep.

 

Two hours later, Alexander stirred in his sleep, turned his head and found cerulean eyes looking at him.

\- “Hey” he whispered.

\- “Hey, you” Hephaestion whispered back, “slept well?”

\- “Perfect, thanks. Did you rest?”

\- “Yes. Ready to get up?”

\- “Yes, sorry, your leg must be numb,” said Alexander embarrassed.

\- “No, I’m just a bit thirsty”

\- “Wait here, I’ll bring you some water”

\- “There’s no need, I can get it myself”

\- “I know, but, please, let me,” asked Alexander.

\- “Alright,” said Hephaestion with his cheeks slightly rosy.

 

They decided that as they still had some meat left, they could go fishing. The weather was still hot and they could also go swimming.  
Hephaestion took his spear and decided to fish from the shore, he was not in the mood of getting wet or anyone to see his body yet.

 

In a moment, Nearchos – who had always been the seaman of the group – began splashing his friends and a true water battle started. They were laughing and playing as if they were five years old instead of a king and his fierce companions in their mid and late thirties.

 

Nikos, who was the youngest and always ready for a prank, swam underwater and reappeared, just in front of Hephaestion, who had decided to sunbathe on the shore. The youngest took the General from his ankles and pulled him into the water. Alexander saw the incident and swam quickly towards them, shouting at Nikos to stop his joke.  
Hephaestion – astonished and still drowsy – gasped for air but his nose, mouth and throat filled with cold water and flailed his arms upwards frantically. Nikos froze and was pushed away by an anxious Alexander who was coming to rescue his beloved.

 

\- “I got you” whispered Alexander into Hephaestion’s ear while trying to calm his nervous brunette.

\- “He ... he used to ... he used to put my head in a bucket full of water and … played … played to drown me”

\- “Sh … sh… it is alright now, I got you” whispered Alexander again, trying to reassure him. 

\- “You saved me … again” said Hephaestion resting his forehead on Alexander’s shoulder.

\- “Let’s go back to the tent”

 

Nikos approached both men and apologized but the king told him off quite harshly.

Hephaestion walked with wobbling legs to their tent and tried to sit on his cot but Alexander didn’t allow him, suggesting him to change his clothes first. Hephaestion’s still trembling hands were useless. He sighed loudly; at that moment, Alexander was approaching him with a clean chiton and quickly realized what the problem was.

 

\- “May I?” asked Alexander pointing to his laced boots.

\- “You are the King, you shouldn’t do that,” said Hephaestion, between shivers. 

\- “I am your friend or whatever you want me to be, let me help you” answered Alexander, staring at Hephaestion’s eyes. 

\- “Alright,” said Hephaestion and let Alexander unlaced his boots.

 

Then he made him stand up and set his own fur cloak over the brunette’s shoulders, who looked at him confused.

\- “You can take your wet clothes and dry yourself before you redress” explained Alexander and he turned round to grant him more privacy.

Even though Hephaestion was still shocked by the incident at the river, Hephaestion’s heart swell with love due to Alexander’s care and gentleness. He knew that it was his choice if they took their relationship to the next step and he had decided to give it … tonight.

 

The time to share more has just arrived.


	8. "Let our bodies talk"

**RATING: R / Mature. NC-17 for this chapter especially**

 

**WARNING: Mentions of m/m relationship, angst, fluff and romance. There is an explicit description of m/m sexual intercourse, so considered you warned!**

 

* * *

 

Hephaestion and Alexander went back to the others, who were already gathered around the fire. Nikos was silent and alone, far from the others, sporting a black eye, a generous gift from Cleitus, who was not only his superior officer but also his erastes.

 

Hephaestion greeted his companions with a smile but he went on walking towards Nikos. The brunette was well-known by his wisdom but also by his quick bad temper. They watched with expectancy but saw with relief both men talking, in fact, Hephaestion was speaking and Nikos was listening to him and nodding repeatedly. Hephaestion patted his shoulder and left him there. He walked towards Cleitus, poked his chest with his fist and said:

  * “You didn’t have to punch him and he really needs your support now”
  * “Alright, pretty boy, I’ll comfort him,” said Cleitus with a wicked smile on his face.



 

They saw the big man knelt near his eromenos, pecked his lips softly and hugged him. Nikos sobbed against his lover’s chest.

 

Alexander looked at Hephaestion and patted the space on the trunk next to him. When he sat there, Alexander handed him a goblet with watered wine and setting a plate between them, they shared again their food. They were gaining back their old customs and a sense of safety warmed the blue-eyed man’s chest.

 

After dinner, the men sat closer to the fire, wrapped up in their cloaks, sharing old anecdotes and future dreams. Hephaestion got closer to Alexander and by the end of the evening; the brunette had his head resting on the king’s shoulder. When the head got heavy, Alexander decided it was time for them to go to sleep. He woke Hephaestion up gently and they both went back to the tent.

 

By the time they got there, Hephaestion was very awake and a bit nervous. Alexander realized about his state of mind so he told him he would go to see the horses, giving Hephaestion time to undress and get under the blankets.

 

When Alexander re-entered the tent, he immediately put the lamp out, undressed and got himself under his fur cloak, which was mysteriously closer to Hephaestion’s than before. Alexander could listen to Hephaestion’s soft breathing but he also knew the brunette was not sleeping because he was slightly shivering. It was a very cold night and Hephaestion had always hated the cold.

 

Alexander took one extreme of his thick fur cloak and wrapped it onto Hephaestion’s cold body. The General turned around and whispered a muffled _“Thanks”._  Alexander knew when Hephaestion fell completely asleep because his frame relaxed completely.

 

The night was still young when Alexander felt a growing heat on his upper chest, he opened his eyes and saw Hephaestion’s arm resting on his chest and his hand over his heart, even though he was near his body was not in full contact … yet.

Alexander made a bold move, he covered the brunette’s hand with his and squeezed it gently and he could see a tiny smile on Hephaestion’s lips.

 

A low whimper woke Alexander up and he could see Hephaestion’s eyes moving behind his closed eyelids, his brunette was having a nightmare and he didn’t know what to do. He finally decided to move closer to Hephaestion and gathered him in his arms, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Hephaestion opened his eyes widely, stared at Alexander without being able to focus well.

Suddenly his hands flew over Alexander’s face, cupping it between his slender fingers, a croaked _“My Sun”_ fell off Hephaestion’s lips and he pushed his face forwards; Alexander met him halfway but stopped, letting Hephaestion decide if he wanted to go on. Hephaestion set his lips onto Alexander’s and he sighed loudly, he moved them softly, caressing every inch, brushing them sideways.

He brought his body closer until he rested his stomach on Alexander’s, supporting the weight of his upper body onto his elbows.

 

  * “Alex, is this alright?” asked Hephaestion nervously because Alexander had his eyes closed.
  * “Yes, love, it is”
  * “Why don’t you look at me?”
  * “Because I am afraid this is a dream and I don’t want to wake up yet” whispered the king.
  * “It is not a dream, open your eyes, please, and let me see myself in them,” said the brunette.



 

Alexander opened his eyes and Hephaestion saw so much love in them that it nearly hurt. He lowered his head again and kissed Alexander harder; putting in that kiss all the love he had been keeping for himself during all these months. Alexander kissed him back softly but steadily until Hephaestion’s tongue slipped through his lips asking for entrance. Alexander opened his mouth willingly and a timid but insisting tongue that wanted to taste every inch suddenly invaded it. And Alexander let him until it was difficult to stay still. He timidly pushed Hephaestion’s tongue inside his own mouth and it was his turn of invading. Hephaestion surrendered tenderly, moaning and hugging his king tightly.

 

When oxygen was a need, they drew apart, resting their foreheads against each other. Alexander caressed Hephaestion’s face and racked his fingers through the short tresses; he laid Hephaestion on his back while he set himself on his side and he slightly ran his fingers along Hephaestion’s neck and chest. Hephaestion flinched a little and Alexander stopped his caresses. The king looked at Hephaestion’s eyes and he saw love, but also fear. He kissed his forehead and hugged him tenderly telling his soon lover-to-be that they had time. Hephaestion sighed and drift off to sleep, after setting his head on Alexander’s chest and listening to the steady heartbeat that finally lulled him to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Morning came and Eos woke up the companions. They had breakfast and decided to return early before the heat increased. Ptolemy and Perdicas looked at Alexander and Hephaestion closely, trying to discover if something had happened; in fact, everybody was looking at them but they had not seen anything until the moment they departed.

 

Hephaestion was already on Auburn when Alexander approached and checked the mare’s bridles and trailed his fingers along Hephaestion’s calves; Hephaestion looked at him lovingly and cupped the king’s cheek with his big hand. Alexander rested his face on it and closed his eyes and then he snapped them open when Hephaestion pecked his lips just for a second. A huge smile set on Alexander’s face and it didn’t abandon him for the rest of the day.

 

The trip back was full of banter and jokes and event he brunette tried to catch up with them. Nikos was still a bit nervous around the General but the man offered him a piece of apple and the young man could relax. Everybody knew that the apple was Hephaestion’s unusual peace offering.

 

* * *

They arrived just for lunch and the Army greeted them. Ptolemy’s men had asked Alexander permission to organize a party in the barracks and this was gladly granted.

 

Hephaestion retired to his chamber to rest for a while; his ankle was a bit swollen due to the strenuous walking and his mind and heart were a bit messy. He really wanted to be with Alexander but he was also afraid because – even though Alexander had not shown any sign of disgust as regards his body – it was important to be sure before their level of intimacy increased.

 

He recalled their kisses and how much he had enjoyed it. A knock on the door brought him back to the present; he asked the person to enter and Aetos appeared with a big smile.

 

  * “Master Hephaestion, welcome back”
  * “Thank you, Aetos. How are you?”
  * “Fine, thanks. The king has sent you a message and he is waiting for your answer”
  * “Let me see what it is about and I will give you my answer straight away. While you wait, would you like something to drink?” asked Hephaestion while opening his letter.
  * “No, thanks”
  * “Alright, here is my answer,” said Hephaestion, blushing slightly.



 

Aetos left the room and Hephaestion started to organize his tasks. He finished writing some letters; rearranged some scrolls that were scattered on his desk and decided what he was going to wear, he wanted to dress elegantly but not to look overdressed.

 

While Hephaestion was looking inside his wooden chest, Alexander was grinning like a child when he saw just one word as his answer: **_“Yes”_**

****

Stephanos entered Hephaestion’s chamber to prepare the hot bath and he smiled widely; on top of his master’s bed, there was a midnight blue silk cloak, a short light-blue chiton, sandals, a belt with his dagger, rings, arm bracelets and a well-known pendant, which had finally left the jewellery box.

Hephaestion saw the smile on his page and blushed deeply.

 

  * “Do you think it is too much?”
  * “No, Sire, it is not and I am glad you want to do this; I know it was difficult and that you may still feel nervous but Theo had just told me that the king was laughing at a piece of paper Aetos had given him; so I assume you have accepted the invitation to the party at the barracks”



 

Hephaestion nodded while entering the bathtub, he chose a sandalwood soap to wash his body and he scrubbed his skin until it was rosy and fresh, then he washed his hair, his brunette tresses, now long up to the shoulders, were of deep bronze colour and quite wavy. He finger-combed them and then he finally stood up and got out of the tub.

Stephanos handed him a towel that he secured around his slender waist. His former body was coming back, his muscles were getting tonner and bulkier and a slight tan was now covering his skin, being a bit paler on his most recent scars. He dried himself and went back towards his bed; he put his chiton on and fastened his sandals.

He also decided to wear a broad gold arm bracelet with a sun carved on it, a ring that held an aquamarine and his pendant, which was set over his chiton; he wanted Alexander to see it and, of course, the king would know what he meant with this action. That pendant was the half of Alexander’s one and they had been wearing them since they became lovers.

He took his cloak and pinned it over his right shoulder with an ivory trinket, one of Alexander’s first gift for him as a king.

 

Hephaestion left the chamber, feeling extremely nervous; he knew that this night would be a turning point in his life, in fact in their life, but he was also sure that Alexander would never force him to do something he didn’t want to. Having those optimistic thoughts in his mind, he went to the dining room where they’d gather before going to the party.

 

As soon as he entered, the lively conversation faded and he could see men staring at him with wide-open eyes. He blushed a little but went on walking but he was intercepted by a strong arm around his shoulder. A well-known voice whispered into his ear:

  * “Umm, you are sight for sore eyes,” said Cleitus while walking towards the others.
  * “Thank you, General, you are also nicely dressed,” Hephaestion said.
  * “But you are more, my pretty boy, and we all have to thank Zeus for having you back. I know someone will sacrifice a whole bull to his father as soon as he can close his mouth” said Cleitus, smiling and pointing to a very astonished Alexander.



 

Alexander was looking at him, wide eyes following each of his movements, his eyes were filled with love and a bit of lust, a good combination of feelings and a nice promise to come.

 

  * “Joy to you, my King” greeted Hephaestion as soon as he arrived.
  * “Joy to you, My General” answered Alexander resting his eyes on that well-known face.
  * “Why is he “your” General while the rest of us are Generals only?” joked Cleitus, slapping the king’s shoulder blades.



 

The king didn’t answer but he just blushed deeply.

 

They decided to walk to the barracks where the party had just started. Some of Ptolemy’s men were roasting some meat and cheap wine was running freely among the men. Some men were playing the flutes while others clapped their hands to the rhythm. A group of youngsters was singing naughty songs due to their tipsiness.

When the king arrived, most of the men went silent but Alexander asked them to go on, assuring them that he was only one of Ptolemy’s friends, enjoying a good time.

 

Hephaestion gave Ptolemy a new dagger as a gift and he spent some time speaking to his friend, who congratulated him for his appearance and good humour.

 

  * “Have you thought about our last conversation?” asked Ptolemy, looking at the brunette’s eyes.
  * “Maybe,” said Hephaestion with his cheeks slightly blushed.
  * “That will be good; you both deserve some happiness” sentenced the elder man.
  * “Yes, we do. Do you think Alexander will …?” the blue-eyed- man voice faltered
  * “Of course, don’t have the slightest doubt” assured Ptolemy.



 

Both Companions continued talking for a while and Ptolemy realized that Alexander was sending loving looks towards Hephaestion and that he had refused to drink uncut wine, restraining the consumption of the watered wine too.

 

* * *

 

As the celebration continued, Alexander tried to get closer to Hephaestion, who was talking with everyone except him. The king really wanted to spend some time alone with Hephaestion but he didn’t want to force his company upon him.

 

In a moment, Alexander was sitting with his elbows resting on his knees, his hands entwined, with his eyes staring at the floor, absent-minded, when he suddenly felt a warm open hand in the small of his back. His heart skipped a beat because he instantly recognized the touch; he lifted his head and found the bluest eyes he had ever seen, looking back at him. A tiny smile lit his face and Hephaestion took that as a signal to sit down.

 

They were quiet for a while and then Hephaestion took one of Alexander’s hands, entwined his fingers with the King’s, squeezed them gently and pushed Alexander onto his feet. Hephaestion started to walk towards the palace, and Alexander followed him – hand in hand- letting the brunette lead the way.

 

They entered the palace, walked along the corridor, went past Alexander’s chamber and finally stopped at Hephaestion’s door. The General looked at his King with tender eyes and the blonde man could only nod slightly.

 

They stepped into the chamber, Hephaestion took both their cloaks and set them on a nearby chair. When he turned around, Alexander was in the balcony with his hands gripping the rail tightly; his knuckles were white due to his strong grip and his nervousness.

 

Hephaestion stepped behind him and his arms snaked around the royal waist; his forehead rested on the blonde’s nape and his lips kissed him on the tiny spot of flesh where the neck met the shoulder. Alexander arched his head backwards while covering Hephaestion’s hands with his shorter ones.

 

After some minutes, Hephaestion made Alexander turn round between his arms and kissed him softly. When the kiss was over, Hephaestion whispered against his lover’s lips:

  * _“Please, Alex, remind me that it doesn’t have to hurt; that it isn’t always disgusting and dirty”_
  * _“So let me love you better,”_ said Alexander folding the brunette into his strong arms and kissing him again.



Alexander’s tongue explored the brunette’s mouth slowly and he could feel Hephaestion relax into his embrace and snuggled against his king’s body. Their kisses deepened and after some minutes, it was necessary to come up for air, but they sank back again into more not so chaste kisses.

 

When they finally pulled apart, Alexander cupped Hephaestion’s face between his strong hands and stroked his cheeks with his thumbs while his two coloured-eyes were fixed on his beloved’s blues. Hephaestion couldn’t believe where he was because it felt like heaven being again between his beloved’s arms.

 

Asking for his permission, Alexander tugged Hephaestion’s chiton up and over his head, revealing the toned chest of the General and the flat stomach. Alexander caressed the chest and trailed his fingers over the brunette’s nipples that harden under his touch. Alexander let his hands wander along the naked body before he slid one arm behind Hephaestion’s neck and the other came to rest on the small of his back, pressing their bodies closer. Hephaestion trembled with desire and he could easily felt Alexander’s arousal against his milky thighs. 

 

Alexander knelt to take Hephaestion’s sandals off and let his hands travel over the sun-kissed skin upwards until they stopped at his hips. At that moment, Hephaestion captured Alexander’s lips in a sexy kiss and his hands moved to undress his king.

 

Both bodies thrust against the other, sending pleasure to the other, sensing their arousals rising, their lovemaking about to start …

 

Breathing heavily, Alexander pushed his lover gently down on the big bed; Hephaestion, lying on his back, outstretched his arms to bring his king over his wanton body. 

 

The king straddled his General and new waves of pleasure invaded their bodies as their groins ground together. They started moving against each other, brushing their erections and muffled moans left their lips. Alexander stopped his movements and leant over his Phai, trailing sweet and light kisses down the side of his neck, meanwhile Hephaestion peppered soft kisses on any patch of skin he was able to touch with his kiss-swollen lips.

 

Their passion built up quite quickly so Alexander decided to take the next step. He lied on his side and let his fingers trail downwards, looking for that secret place in his beloved’s body. Hephaestion pleaded Alexander to make love to him and the king could hear the brunette’s breathing quicken in anticipation.

He turned around and retrieved from the bedside table a vial with sandalwood oil and coating his fingers generously, he reached down to slide in first one finger. Hephaestion tensed up at the intrusion, he was about to tell Alexander to stop but, when he looked into his eyes, he saw so much love in them that he knew he could not deny him anything and that Alexander had already promised to love him better.

Nodding at his lover, Hephaestion encouraged Alexander to go on so a second and then a third finger went in, brushing that special bundle of nerves that drew soft moans from the blue-eyed man. 

 

Later those fingers were replaced and with a slow tender push, they were finally joined in body, heart and soul. Both lovers looked into their eyes while making love, seeing the myriad of feelings passed through them.

When they reached their climax, they cuddled up together, faces barely inches apart, raining kisses softly upon their lips until they drifted off into contented sleep, thoroughly sated. 


	9. Epilogue

**RATING: R / Mature.**

 

WARNING: Mentions of m/m relationship, angst, fluff and romance.

Author’s note: The words **in bold** belong to the lyric of the song “At the beginning” by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis.

* * *

 The morning after…

 

Hephaestion was awake early the following morning; Alexander was still spooning him; there was not even an inch of skin without contact: the broad chest against another broad back; naked firm buttocks embraced by a dormant nether region; two pairs of strong legs entangled from hips to toes; two muscled arms hugging a slender waist; a steady heartbeat lullabying him and warm lips against the brunette’s nape.

 

Hephaestion sighed lowly and thought about the events of the last nearly year and whispered to Eos, who was painting the sky pink:

 

  * “ **We were strangers, starting out on a journey, never dreaming what we'd have to go through** battles, wars, misunderstandings, quarrels and departures … **Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing at the beginning with you. No one told me I was going to find you,** however when I met you I instantly knew you were the one; **unexpected what you did to my heart,** I fell for you the very same moment I set my eyes on you.
  * **When I lost hope, You were there to remind me this is the start and** once more you made me see that it was a new start, together again. **And Life is a road and I want to keep going** and living every single day of my life with you **. Love is a river I wanna keep flowing** so it always drives me to you. **  
Life is a road now and forever, wonderful journey,** beautiful and dangerous at the same time **  
I'll be there when the world stops turning, I'll be there when the storm is through,** I will be there at every moment of your life. **In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you** because there is no other place I wish to be. **We were strangers on a crazy adventure** and it sometimes ended in a way we didn’t like. **Never dreaming how our dreams would come true** but knowing that when the time came, we’d be together. **Now here** I **stand unafraid of the future, at the beginning with you** because you are all I need.



 

The king realized that his lover was awake and gently turned him into his embrace. He kissed the top of Hephaestion’s nose, pecked his still swollen kissed lips and looked into those blue pieces of heaven he had learnt to love and adore. Then he whispered against those lips:

 

  * “ **I knew there was somebody somewhere, like me alone in the dark,** but thanks to the gods, I have finally found you. **Now I know my dream will live on** because you are the most important part of it. **I've been waiting so long** to have you again between my arms; **nothing's gonna tear us apart …”  
  
**



Hephaestion looked at Alexander and asked shyly,

 

  * “Is that the promise of a King?”
  * “No, it is the vow of a husband, if you choose so”



 

Hephaestion was startled; he gasped for air and when he could speak again, he whispered:

 

  * “I will let you know”



 

* * *

Four months later ….

 

Alexander was outside his palace waiting, he was shivering due to his thin cloak but he didn’t want to go inside, he didn’t want to lose the entrance of his lover through the main gates. He was eager to hug him after a separation that had lasted the full spring season. Hephaestion had gone to get more supplies and also to get reacquainted with his functions, especially the ones dealing with more people and going out of the security of the palace.

 

Even though they had maintained a fluid correspondence, he missed his brunette deeply. His letters were torn because he had reread them every night when his tired body took him to their empty bed.

He sighed deeply and continued his daydreaming, reviving their time together before Hephaestion’s departure. Suddenly a well-known neigh brought him back and he shuffled his feet nervously; he was dying to meet Hephaestion halfway but he remained there, giving the brunette the choice to decide their future actions.

 

Hephaestion dismounted while Auburn was still trotting and he flew to Alexander’s arms, hugging him tightly and hiding his face in the crock of Alexander’s neck. He smelled his king’s skin, a mixture of honey and violets and he kissed his neck softly.

 

Alexander repeated Hephaestion’s name like a mantra as if he was doubting his favourite General were there with him again. Then he stepped back, at arms´ length and after burying himself in those oceanic eyes, he kissed Hephaestion tenderly. It began as a chaste kiss but Hephaestion deepened it quickly, wanting to show in it all the love he had to offer his king. It was a possessive kiss and when oxygen was a need, they released their grip but Hephaestion bent forwards and whispered into Alexander’s ear: **_“Yes”._**

 

At that moment, Alexander could have lit the night sky with just one smile. 

 

* * *

 

They didn’t want to lose more time so they went directly to their chamber. Alexander had already asked Stephanos to run a bath for them, keeping the chamber warm as it was still chilly outside.

 

Alexander took Hephaestion in his arms again as soon as they crossed the heavy door and captured his lips in a dainty kiss. That one was followed by many more along his jaw, on his neck while Hephaestion’s arms slid around the royal waist. Hephaestion rested his head onto Alexander’s shoulder, giving the king some extra skin to kiss.

 

Then they decided to take their bath, tender fingers stripped the exhausted brunette and Alexander helped him sit into the bathtub. He also made him rest on the tub wall while splashing warm water over his sun-kissed skin. Hephaestion released a content sigh and screw his eyes shut. He felt Alexander’s hands running along his upper body, trying to release his muscles of the pain and stress. The king washed him using a soft cotton towel and a sandalwood scented soap, a gift for his lover, bought at the Persian market. When the wash was over, Alexander went away to bring more clean water and the burning stones to reheat it.

 

Hephaestion opened his eyes and outstretching his arms, he invited Alexander to join him in the tub. The king sat behind his lover and made him rest his back onto his chest while his legs were set on both sides of Hephaestion’s. They remained there quietly, their heartbeat and breathing in familiar synchrony until Alexander felt Hephaestion’s relaxed body slid downwards. He got out of the tub and made Hephaestion stand up while he dried him with a soft towel.

 

Alexander took Hephaestion to their bed and made him rest on his stomach; he retrieved an ivory comb and brushed Hephaestion’s shoulder-length tresses carefully, untying the knots that were left after washing it. He also massaged the brunette’s scalp and laughed lowly when Hephaestion huffed out a breath.

 

The blonde took a vial of oil and massaged his lover, from neck to toes and finally he pulled Hephaestion’s naked body against his equal frame. They cuddled up together and after some minutes, Hephaestion turned into Alexander’s arms and trailed light kisses onto the golden man’s lips; he finally flicked his tongue against those lips, slipping it into the mouth to battle with his lover’s as their kiss became more lustful.

 

After some minutes, and breathing heavily, Hephaestion whispered against Alexander’s lips:

 

  * “Thank you”
  * “What for, love?” asked Alexander while drowning into those lapis lazuli eyes.
  * “For rescuing me, for helping me to heal”
  * “Thank you,” said Alexander.
  * “What for, love?” Hephaestion asked, mirroring his lover’s previous question.
  * “For giving me another chance” Alexander replied.
  * “Only true love deserves second chances; only true love can survive the worst ordeal; that’s why Our Love can conquer all” explained the brunette.
  * “I love you, Phai”
  * “I love you, Alex”
  * “Always together …” whispered the blonde.
  * “Always … till the end”



 

**_The time to heal is over, now it is time to Love._ **

****

Finis


End file.
